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being chauffered in a luxurious crown vic, i arrived at the side door just in time to see a long line of celebrities and debutantes parade into this magnificent epitome of institutional architecture. the sheer excitement that coursed through my veins brought a shiver to my spine and a rapid girding of my loins. i was in the midst of greatness. true, unadulterated greatness.
i was ushered through the front room where i was graciously greeted by the meticulously uniformed staff. kind words and accolades every step of the way. i could tell right then and there that this was going to be a special stay.
once my reservation was processed, i was shown to my accommodations. i have never seen anything so welcoming and bowel-loosening relaxing. the other guests were friendly and very willing to share the copious space throughout our high-ceilinged room. Bright and airy with an entire wall of fine iron lattice-work, i was pleasantly surprised to find the rustic bathroom was right there for our use. there would be no running down a long hallway or having to open a pesky door when the need arose. oh no, nothing as philistine as that.
and the food.... oh the glorious, delicious spread that was laid before us. i salivate at the memory. my stomach churns for the delicious prospect of skim milk and bran cereal for breakfast.... skim milk and bologna on oat bran bread for lunch.... and dinner, let me just say dinner was a epicurean delight that still brings tears to my eyes. meat loaf so grey and bouncy served with the fluffiest most processed white rice that even wolfgang puck would have sucked dick for a second helping. now let me just explain the meat loaf. it was meat. all kinds of meat. but mostly the kind of meat that you would run from were it still alive.
all in all, i had a wonderful experience here and truly look forward to going back in say, five to ten.
i was ushered through the front room where i was graciously greeted by the meticulously uniformed staff. kind words and accolades every step of the way. i could tell right then and there that this was going to be a special stay.
once my reservation was processed, i was shown to my accommodations. i have never seen anything so welcoming and bowel-loosening relaxing. the other guests were friendly and very willing to share the copious space throughout our high-ceilinged room. Bright and airy with an entire wall of fine iron lattice-work, i was pleasantly surprised to find the rustic bathroom was right there for our use. there would be no running down a long hallway or having to open a pesky door when the need arose. oh no, nothing as philistine as that.
and the food.... oh the glorious, delicious spread that was laid before us. i salivate at the memory. my stomach churns for the delicious prospect of skim milk and bran cereal for breakfast.... skim milk and bologna on oat bran bread for lunch.... and dinner, let me just say dinner was a epicurean delight that still brings tears to my eyes. meat loaf so grey and bouncy served with the fluffiest most processed white rice that even wolfgang puck would have sucked dick for a second helping. now let me just explain the meat loaf. it was meat. all kinds of meat. but mostly the kind of meat that you would run from were it still alive.
all in all, i had a wonderful experience here and truly look forward to going back in say, five to ten.
It's a review of ... Queens Central Booking.
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