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R.E.M.’s Children Still Hoping Parents Will Get Back Together

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  • R.E.M.’s Children Still Hoping Parents Will Get Back Together

    R.E.M.’s Children Still Hoping Parents Will Get Back Together



    PORTLAND, OR—Claiming they are still struggling to accept their parents’ split-up, the children of seminal alternative rock band R.E.M. revealed Friday that they continue to hope their parents’ band will one day reconcile. “I just don’t understand why they can’t be happy together like they were before, when things were good,” said Zoe, daughter of guitarist Peter Buck, echoing the thoughts of Julian Mills and Zelda Buck, who just want their parents in the acclaimed jangle pop group to get back together in the studio. “I asked my dad if it was our fault that they broke up and he said, ‘No, honey, of course not. Sometimes adult Gen X musicians just don’t get along.’ But it hurts. I just want it to be like it was on the Monster tour again.” At press time, the members of R.E.M. reassured the children that, no matter what, they would always be the 1992 Grammy Award winners for Best Alternative Music Album
    "There are four lights!"

  • #2
    Does Hondo write for the Onion?
    "There are four lights!"

    Comment


    • #3
      “I asked my dad if it was our fault that they broke up and he said, ‘No, honey, of course not. Sometimes adult Gen X musicians just don’t get along.’

      Bask in the warmth of the Deep South
      No one will be denied:
      Big law suits and bathroom toots;
      We're all getting Dixie-fried.
      But somewhere Hank and Lefty
      Are rollin' in their graves
      While kudzu vines grow over signs that read "Jesus Saves."

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Billy Jingo View Post
        Does Hondo write for the Onion?

        Does it say anywhere in the article "and their music was complete shit"? No? Then you know I didn't write it.

        Comment


        • #5
          But on a deadly serious note, ABBA may reunite.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Bob Loblaw 3.0 View Post
            But on a deadly serious note, ABBA may reunite.
            Abba is greatness.
            "There are four lights!"

            Comment


            • #7
              The thread is sick..

              seriously
              Robert Francis O'Rourke, Democrat, White guy, spent ~78 million to defeat, Ted Cruz, Republican immigrant Dark guy …
              and lost …
              But the Republicans are racist.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Billy Jingo View Post
                Abba is greatness.
                I always liked them... but I don't know how much I will if they're singing their old songs, while in their 60's. Maybe if they put out a bunch of new ones dealing with appropriate issues for their season in life - like maybe the bratty grand kids, daughters and sons in-law problems, health care issues, digestive problems, etc. Could be a new gold mine for if they just get the new album advertised on the Fox News Channel.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Bob Loblaw 3.0 View Post
                  I always liked them... but I don't know how much I will if they're singing their old songs, while in their 60's. Maybe if they put out a bunch of new ones dealing with appropriate issues for their season in life - like maybe the bratty grand kids, daughters and sons in-law problems, health care issues, digestive problems, etc. Could be a new gold mine for if they just get the new album advertised on the Fox News Channel.
                  That, was funny.
                  "There are four lights!"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Bob Loblaw 3.0 View Post
                    I always liked them... but I don't know how much I will if they're singing their old songs, while in their 60's. Maybe if they put out a bunch of new ones dealing with appropriate issues for their season in life - like maybe the bratty grand kids, daughters and sons in-law problems, health care issues, digestive problems, etc. Could be a new gold mine for if they just get the new album advertised on the Fox News Channel.
                    I get to do this because I spent a year on a walker...
                    ♬You can't dance, you can't jive, unless you shatter your ... spleeeeeeennnn
                    See that broad, watch that scene, diggin' the walker queen

                    Friday night and the lights are low
                    Looking out to not fall down
                    Where they play the loud music, kids get off my lawn
                    You come in to look for BINGO

                    Anybody could be that guy
                    Senior discount before it's ... fiiiiivvvve
                    With a bit of rock music, hearing aid is fine
                    You don't dare try to dance
                    And when you get the chance...

                    You are the walker queen, old and frail, only eighty-two
                    Walker queen, worry about your Depends leaking!
                    You can't dance, you can't jive, worrying about your bed time
                    See that broad, watch that scene, diggin' the walker queen

                    You're a hobbler, they think you'll fall
                    Leave them worried and then you're gone
                    Looking out for wet spots, careful not to fall
                    You do not dare try to dance
                    And when you get the chance...

                    You are the walker queen, old and frail, only eighty-two
                    Walker queen, worry about your Depends leaking!
                    You can't dance, you can't jive, worrying about your bed time
                    See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the walker queen!♬
                    Bask in the warmth of the Deep South
                    No one will be denied:
                    Big law suits and bathroom toots;
                    We're all getting Dixie-fried.
                    But somewhere Hank and Lefty
                    Are rollin' in their graves
                    While kudzu vines grow over signs that read "Jesus Saves."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      You're going to hell for that, Adam. I'll save you a spot in the handbasket.
                      "Faith is nothing but a firm assent of the mind : which, if it be regulated, as is our duty, cannot be afforded to anything but upon good reason, and so cannot be opposite to it."

                      -John Locke

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Adam View Post
                        I get to do this because I spent a year on a walker...
                        ♬You can't dance, you can't jive, unless you shatter your ... spleeeeeeennnn
                        See that broad, watch that scene, diggin' the walker queen

                        Friday night and the lights are low
                        Looking out to not fall down
                        Where they play the loud music, kids get off my lawn
                        You come in to look for BINGO

                        Anybody could be that guy
                        Senior discount before it's ... fiiiiivvvve
                        With a bit of rock music, hearing aid is fine
                        You don't dare try to dance
                        And when you get the chance...

                        You are the walker queen, old and frail, only eighty-two
                        Walker queen, worry about your Depends leaking!
                        You can't dance, you can't jive, worrying about your bed time
                        See that broad, watch that scene, diggin' the walker queen

                        You're a hobbler, they think you'll fall
                        Leave them worried and then you're gone
                        Looking out for wet spots, careful not to fall
                        You do not dare try to dance
                        And when you get the chance...

                        You are the walker queen, old and frail, only eighty-two
                        Walker queen, worry about your Depends leaking!
                        You can't dance, you can't jive, worrying about your bed time
                        See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the walker queen!♬
                        Thats what I'm talkin' 'bout right there.

                        Comment

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