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How To Piss Off A Texan

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  • How To Piss Off A Texan

    How To Piss Off A Texan




    ...


    4. Say the whole state sounds awful…except for Austin.

    We get it — the world has a hard-on for Austin. But that still doesn’t explain why, when I’m traveling around the US and tell someone I live in ATX, they invariably respond with some riff on the above.

    You’ve just dismissed over 25 million people out of hand. Kind of a dick move.

    5. Move to Austin from San Francisco or Brooklyn and then shit-talk the rest of the state.

    Go home.

    ...
    Colonel Vogel : What does the diary tell you that it doesn't tell us?

    Professor Henry Jones : It tells me, that goose-stepping morons like yourself should try *reading* books instead of *burning* them!

  • #2
    Originally posted by Billy Jingo View Post
    4. Say the whole state sounds awful…except for Austin.

    We get it — the world has a hard-on for Austin. But that still doesn’t explain why, when I’m traveling around the US and tell someone I live in ATX, they invariably respond with some riff on the above.

    You’ve just dismissed over 25 million people out of hand. Kind of a dick move.
    Yeah, that's pretty much just an asshole maneuver. And, it's directly related to:

    3. Underestimate our geographic diversity.

    The state borders encircle 268,580 square miles — that’s more than 100 Delawares.

    In the East we’ve got the Piney Woods, a forest of pine and oak that covers 54,400 square miles (20+ Delawares, for those counting). The Great Plains of North Texas and the Panhandle comprise cotton fields (Texas is the largest US producer) and other agricultural land. Out West things get pretty desert-y — oil wells share real estate with wind farms, and the Guadalupe Mountains rise to 8,750ft (over 2,000 feet higher than anything east of the Mississippi). The coastal plains of South Texas and the scrubby hills of Central round out the picture, but of course all this is still a gross overgeneralization.

    Bottom line: Whatever image you’ve generated in your mind to define “Texas,” it’s woefully inadequate.
    It's rather unfortunate that so many people think that Texas is comprised of three elements: Dallas, Houston, and then the rest of the state looks like this:





    That's a shame, and I suppose a lot of that perception comes from movies (e.g. the Clint Eastwood picture up above). There really is so much more to the state than that.
    It's been ten years since that lonely day I left you
    In the morning rain, smoking gun in hand
    Ten lonely years but how my heart, it still remembers
    Pray for me, momma, I'm a gypsy now

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    • #3
      Tex-Mex is just Mexican food with barbecue sauce.
      Enjoy.

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      • #4
        Oe thing Texas has going for it is real Texans. Unfortunately they do have to put up with idiots from Arkansas that move there.
        If it pays, it stays

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Adam View Post
          Yeah, that's pretty much just an asshole maneuver. And, it's directly related to:



          It's rather unfortunate that so many people think that Texas is comprised of three elements: Dallas, Houston, and then the rest of the state looks like this:





          That's a shame, and I suppose a lot of that perception comes from movies (e.g. the Clint Eastwood picture up above). There really is so much more to the state than that.
          My brother maintains that Delaware doesn't really exist. Everyone knows Rhode Island is the smallest state, but the second runner is forgotten. Outside of Biden (something best forgotten), Delaware has little going for it. I did, however, send him a copy of my toll receipt to prove that the state is actually real.

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          • #6
            Texas makes great ribs!!!

            Always Agree to Disagree, even if the other poster is incorrect.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Curiosity's Dead Cat View Post
              My brother maintains that Delaware doesn't really exist. Everyone knows Rhode Island is the smallest state, but the second runner is forgotten. Outside of Biden (something best forgotten), Delaware has little going for it. I did, however, send him a copy of my toll receipt to prove that the state is actually real.
              Beaches, tax free shopping, and George Thorogood.
              Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live...
              Robert Southwell, S.J.

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              • #8
                We are so fucked.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by phillygirl View Post
                  Beaches, tax free shopping, and George Thorogood.
                  You forgot home of Olympian, Johnny Weir and...wait...it'll come to me. Gimme a minute. Oooh. I know! Favorite state for companies to incorporate! Yeah. That's it.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Gusjay Gupta View Post
                    You forgot home of Olympian, Johnny Weir and...wait...it'll come to me. Gimme a minute. Oooh. I know! Favorite state for companies to incorporate! Yeah. That's it.
                    I did not realize Johnny Weir was from there. That's unfortunate...for Delaware.
                    Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live...
                    Robert Southwell, S.J.

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                    • #11
                      I love Brookshire Texas and pretty much anything west of Brookshire Texas.
                      The year's at the spring
                      And day's at the morn;
                      Morning's at seven;
                      The hill-side's dew-pearled;
                      The lark's on the wing;
                      The snail's on the thorn:
                      God's in his heaven—
                      All's right with the world!

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