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  • Best used car ad ever

    Good sales strategy, if you ask me.

    1997 Jeep Cherokee (XJ)
    220K Miles
    4.0 L in-line 6
    4WD
    AUTOMATIC Transmission
    Bright Red
    Straight Stock
    Crank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
    POWER MIRRORS! Woo Hoo!

    $1750

    Here's the deal, kids:
    This is a Jeep Cherokee. This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
    It's a Jeep. It rides like a Jeep. It drives like a Jeep. All of these are GOOD things.
    It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the pictures.


    If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
    If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
    If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
    If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bullshit job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
    If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
    If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.


    If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid shit: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
    Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
    Have you ever uttered the words, "Hold my beer and watch this ..."?
    While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, "I could hit that from here with the .22 ..."?
    Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
    Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
    When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
    Is your ol' lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
    -could you not care less?
    Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
    Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
    Do you still miss your first ride?
    Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
    Remember when tool companies had the balls to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
    Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?


    If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.

    DETAILS:
    -I am the second owner. First owner barely got it dirty and engaged the front axles once.
    -I have remedied this excessive caretaking with muddy roads and a pile of fun.
    -The motor uses a little oil. How much? I don't know, I'm not collecting statistical analysis points.
    I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive. Not enough to bother me.
    -It leaks a little oil. How much? Not enough for me to care. It has 220,000 miles, Poindexter!
    If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leaking or burning oil, it's empty!
    -Rear bumper has a big-ass crease in it. I dented it backing into a concrete pole. Sober.
    We drove away giggling, for the record. Haven't fixed it.
    -Driver's side door was caught by the wind, whipped forward, got into the LF quarter panel.
    -Radiator has a small leak. Pinhole. I can replace the radiator or you can. Really doesn't matter
    A new radiator and hoses will run $145. If you don't want to replace them I will.
    Add $250 to the price of vehicle. This includes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer). A freaking bargain.
    -The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ.
    -Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly
    -Tires will need replaced in a couple thousand miles. I haven't upgraded because I had plans:
    Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17" Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.
    Life got in the way - it ain't happening.
    -Zombie stickers on the right rear window stay. My daughter's idea, take it up with her.
    -Flogging Molly sticker stays as well. They kick ass, so there.



    I love it! I particularly like the spent casing used for the trip reset button.
    Bask in the warmth of the Deep South
    No one will be denied:
    Big law suits and bathroom toots;
    We're all getting Dixie-fried.
    But somewhere Hank and Lefty
    Are rollin' in their graves
    While kudzu vines grow over signs that read "Jesus Saves."

  • #2
    Originally posted by Adam View Post
    Good sales strategy, if you ask me.

    1997 Jeep Cherokee (XJ)
    220K Miles
    4.0 L in-line 6
    4WD
    AUTOMATIC Transmission
    Bright Red
    Straight Stock
    Crank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
    POWER MIRRORS! Woo Hoo!

    $1750

    Here's the deal, kids:
    This is a Jeep Cherokee. This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
    It's a Jeep. It rides like a Jeep. It drives like a Jeep. All of these are GOOD things.
    It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the pictures.


    If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
    If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
    If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
    If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bullshit job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
    If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
    If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.


    If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid shit: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
    Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
    Have you ever uttered the words, "Hold my beer and watch this ..."?
    While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, "I could hit that from here with the .22 ..."?
    Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
    Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
    When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
    Is your ol' lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
    -could you not care less?
    Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
    Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
    Do you still miss your first ride?
    Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
    Remember when tool companies had the balls to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
    Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?


    If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.

    DETAILS:
    -I am the second owner. First owner barely got it dirty and engaged the front axles once.
    -I have remedied this excessive caretaking with muddy roads and a pile of fun.
    -The motor uses a little oil. How much? I don't know, I'm not collecting statistical analysis points.
    I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive. Not enough to bother me.
    -It leaks a little oil. How much? Not enough for me to care. It has 220,000 miles, Poindexter!
    If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leaking or burning oil, it's empty!
    -Rear bumper has a big-ass crease in it. I dented it backing into a concrete pole. Sober.
    We drove away giggling, for the record. Haven't fixed it.
    -Driver's side door was caught by the wind, whipped forward, got into the LF quarter panel.
    -Radiator has a small leak. Pinhole. I can replace the radiator or you can. Really doesn't matter
    A new radiator and hoses will run $145. If you don't want to replace them I will.
    Add $250 to the price of vehicle. This includes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer). A freaking bargain.
    -The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ.
    -Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly
    -Tires will need replaced in a couple thousand miles. I haven't upgraded because I had plans:
    Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17" Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.
    Life got in the way - it ain't happening.
    -Zombie stickers on the right rear window stay. My daughter's idea, take it up with her.
    -Flogging Molly sticker stays as well. They kick ass, so there.



    I love it! I particularly like the spent casing used for the trip reset button.
    "If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leaking or burning oil, it's empty!"
    If it pays, it stays

    Comment


    • #3
      Holy Crap!! Click on the ad and read the questions and answers. I want to buy this rig just to meet the guy.

      -Why are you such a dick?
      Everything is relative; you should see my friends.
      If it pays, it stays

      Comment

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