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Stupid things to say to people with cancer

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  • Stupid things to say to people with cancer

    Some of these are just classic...
    If it pays, it stays

  • #2
    People say unintentionally hurtful things at every life event:

    When are you two going give me a grandchild?

    Are you sure he isn't retarded? Maybe he should be tested.

    I divorce X if he/she did/said that to me.

    Well, you're too old to start over at this point.

    The list goes on and on. In reality, none of us take a mandatory class in "How to Agreeably Discuss Your Potentially Fatal Illness (or Divorce, Strange Child, Financial Collapse, Addiction, Mental Illness, etc.).

    People do the best they can with what they know and that may fall short.

    I think it's okay to gripe about the inanity of some responses but you have to have some sympathy for the bumblers. They don't mean to make you feel bad and would be horrified to know that they had made a bad situation worse.

    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

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    • #3
      “Gosh, I thought chemo was supposed to make you lose weight”
      Aye Carumba.

      You have cancer and oh yeah, you're fat.
      Science that cannot be questioned is propaganda.

      Cameras in classrooms now.

      Comment


      • #4
        I personally hate the immediate "is he/she a smoker"? At the point of the diagnoses, does there really need to be a judgment made on the bad life choice that may have contributed to it?
        Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live...
        Robert Southwell, S.J.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by phillygirl View Post
          I personally hate the immediate "is he/she a smoker"? At the point of the diagnoses, does there really need to be a judgment made on the bad life choice that may have contributed to it?
          I do have to say that I find this along with porker assessments to be offensive. Most people who smoke or ever smoked will not die of smoking related illnesses and most fat people will not shorten their lives due to fatness. Those that do die of lifestyle-related causes actually save everybody money so we should all shut up.

          The truth is that thin women die early, half of fatal heart attacks happen to people with no known risks, and "worried well" suck up a huge amount of medical resources. That's not a reason to take up heroin or start a donut habit but it is a reason to shut-up about speculation.
          "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Gingersnap View Post
            I do have to say that I find this along with porker assessments to be offensive. Most people who smoke or ever smoked will not die of smoking related illnesses and most fat people will not shorten their lives due to fatness. Those that do die of lifestyle-related causes actually save everybody money so we should all shut up.

            The truth is that thin women die early, half of fatal heart attacks happen to people with no known risks, and "worried well" suck up a huge amount of medical resources. That's not a reason to take up heroin or start a donut habit but it is a reason to shut-up about speculation.

            mmm.... donuts 'n heroin....
            Robert Francis O'Rourke, Democrat, White guy, spent ~78 million to defeat, Ted Cruz, Republican immigrant Dark guy …
            and lost …
            But the Republicans are racist.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by JB View Post
              Aye Carumba.

              You have cancer and oh yeah, you're fat.



              Like PG said, I'm sure that these were things said by people who were very well-intentioned at the time, but jeeeeezzzz....
              Bask in the warmth of the Deep South
              No one will be denied:
              Big law suits and bathroom toots;
              We're all getting Dixie-fried.
              But somewhere Hank and Lefty
              Are rollin' in their graves
              While kudzu vines grow over signs that read "Jesus Saves."

              Comment


              • #8
                I might be tempted to slap somebody who said "I'm going to miss you."

                No point in making snotty comments about chemo.

                Don't tell somebody in the later stages that they'll be okay.

                But some of those comments were well meaning. That leaves the question of what *is* okay to say to somebody with cancer.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Lanie View Post
                  I might be tempted to slap somebody who said "I'm going to miss you."

                  No point in making snotty comments about chemo.

                  Don't tell somebody in the later stages that they'll be okay.

                  But some of those comments were well meaning. That leaves the question of what *is* okay to say to somebody with cancer.
                  "I love you, can I do anything?"
                  "Faith is nothing but a firm assent of the mind : which, if it be regulated, as is our duty, cannot be afforded to anything but upon good reason, and so cannot be opposite to it."

                  -John Locke

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by scott View Post
                    "I love you, can I do anything?"
                    Yup!! Also treating them no differently than you normally would.
                    If it pays, it stays

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                    • #11
                      Okay, thanks.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by scott View Post
                        "I love you, can I do anything?"
                        OH BTW, can I have your Macbook Air?
                        The year's at the spring
                        And day's at the morn;
                        Morning's at seven;
                        The hill-side's dew-pearled;
                        The lark's on the wing;
                        The snail's on the thorn:
                        God's in his heaven—
                        All's right with the world!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Frostbit View Post
                          Yup!! Also treating them no differently than you normally would.
                          That's my specialty.
                          The year's at the spring
                          And day's at the morn;
                          Morning's at seven;
                          The hill-side's dew-pearled;
                          The lark's on the wing;
                          The snail's on the thorn:
                          God's in his heaven—
                          All's right with the world!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Frostbit View Post
                            Yup!! Also treating them no differently than you normally would.
                            Well, a lot of people really do have 'foot-in-mouth' disease so for them, awkward expressions are normal.
                            "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

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