Stupid things to say to people with cancer

[Frostbit]

Some of these are just classic...

[Gingersnap]

People say unintentionally hurtful things at every life event:

When are you two going give me a grandchild?

Are you sure he isn't retarded? Maybe he should be tested.

I divorce X if he/she did/said that to me.

Well, you're too old to start over at this point.

The list goes on and on. In reality, none of us take a mandatory class in "How to Agreeably Discuss Your Potentially Fatal Illness (or Divorce, Strange Child, Financial Collapse, Addiction, Mental Illness, etc.).

People do the best they can with what they know and that may fall short.

I think it's okay to gripe about the inanity of some responses but you have to have some sympathy for the bumblers. They don't mean to make you feel bad and would be horrified to know that they had made a bad situation worse.

[JB]

“Gosh, I thought chemo was supposed to make you lose weight”

Aye Carumba.

You have cancer and oh yeah, you're fat.

[phillygirl]

I personally hate the immediate "is he/she a smoker"? At the point of the diagnoses, does there really need to be a judgment made on the bad life choice that may have contributed to it?

[Gingersnap]

I personally hate the immediate "is he/she a smoker"? At the point of the diagnoses, does there really need to be a judgment made on the bad life choice that may have contributed to it?

I do have to say that I find this along with porker assessments to be offensive. Most people who smoke or ever smoked will not die of smoking related illnesses and most fat people will not shorten their lives due to fatness. Those that do die of lifestyle-related causes actually save everybody money so we should all shut up.

The truth is that thin women die early, half of fatal heart attacks happen to people with no known risks, and "worried well" suck up a huge amount of medical resources. That's not a reason to take up heroin or start a donut habit but it is a reason to shut-up about speculation.

[Gramps]

I do have to say that I find this along with porker assessments to be offensive. Most people who smoke or ever smoked will not die of smoking related illnesses and most fat people will not shorten their lives due to fatness. Those that do die of lifestyle-related causes actually save everybody money so we should all shut up.

The truth is that thin women die early, half of fatal heart attacks happen to people with no known risks, and "worried well" suck up a huge amount of medical resources. That's not a reason to take up heroin or start a donut habit but it is a reason to shut-up about speculation.

mmm.... donuts 'n heroin....

[Adam]

Aye Carumba.

You have cancer and oh yeah, you're fat.

Like PG said, I'm sure that these were things said by people who were very well-intentioned at the time, but jeeeeezzzz....

[Lanie]

I might be tempted to slap somebody who said "I'm going to miss you."

No point in making snotty comments about chemo.

Don't tell somebody in the later stages that they'll be okay.

But some of those comments were well meaning. That leaves the question of what *is* okay to say to somebody with cancer.

[scott]

I might be tempted to slap somebody who said "I'm going to miss you."

No point in making snotty comments about chemo.

Don't tell somebody in the later stages that they'll be okay.

But some of those comments were well meaning. That leaves the question of what *is* okay to say to somebody with cancer.

"I love you, can I do anything?"

[Frostbit]

"I love you, can I do anything?"

Yup!! Also treating them no differently than you normally would.

[Lanie]

Okay, thanks.

[Novaheart]

"I love you, can I do anything?"

OH BTW, can I have your Macbook Air?

[Novaheart]

Yup!! Also treating them no differently than you normally would.

That's my specialty.

[Gingersnap]

Yup!! Also treating them no differently than you normally would.

Well, a lot of people really do have 'foot-in-mouth' disease so for them, awkward expressions are normal.