Raise your hand if you'd like your eternal memory to be ... SpongeBob

[Adam]

Family, cemetery at odds over pair of granite SpongeBob headstones

CINCINNATI —A Cincinnati cemetery and a Tri-State family are at odds over a pair of SpongeBob SquarePants headstones.

It is a bizarre controversy involving the final resting place of slain soldier Sgt. Kimberly Walker of Cincinnati. The 28-year-old was found dead in a Colorado Springs, Colo., hotel room on Valentine’s Day.

Walker’s boyfriend, also a soldier, was charged with first-degree murder in connection with her death.

[....]

Deborah Walker, Kimberly’s mother, said her daughter loved SpongeBob. Deborah said Kimberly had all types of SpongeBob items, including her shower curtains.

“SpongeBob went in her casket before we laid her in the ground,” Deborah said.

In March, the family ordered two 7,000-pound SpongeBob SquarePants monuments, costing more than $13,000 each. The family received the approval to erect the SpongeBob monuments, signed the contracts, started the design and paid 10 percent of the price upfront.

In addition, the family purchased six plots together in the cemetery.

“They stand 6 feet tall and he’s 4 feet wide and he’s on a platform of eight inches, so it makes him 6 feet 8 inches tall,” Deborah said.

OK, first of all, I feel terrible for this family's pain. Such a tragic and senseless loss of their young daughter is just unimaginable.

Secondly, a belated thanks to this young woman for her service to the nation.


Now, I will be the first to admit that people have all sorts of different ideas about honoring the dead. And I fully understand that it can be a very difficult and trying matter to make those final choices, particularly when it's someone so young who most likely did not have her wishes spelled out anywhere (let's face it: most 28-year-olds don't have a will and haven't given a whole lot of thought to end-of-life decision-making).


But come on. Really? SpongeBob? I really loved Wile E. Coyote when I was a kid, and still enjoy Roadrunner cartoons to this day, but I certainly don't want to be buried under a gigantic granite depiction of Coyote unpacking his latest gadget from ACME.






Someone really should have stopped these people before they went about getting these made. This was a massive collection of really bad decisions from the start of a really tragic situation.

[Billy Jingo]

All that I ask is to be buried in a grave that people will want to loot.

[Adam]

All that I ask is to be buried in a grave that people will want to loot.

See, now that is a sensible, laudable goal. A bit on the extravagant side, I'll admit, but hey, YODO, right?

[Lanie]

I just ask that ten thousand dollars not be spent on my funeral.

[phillygirl]

I want mine to be planned such that it allows maximum attendance...that includes a wake, with evening hours for those that can't make the Mass.

[Frostbit]

I want mine to be planned such that it allows maximum attendance...that includes a wake, with evening hours for those that can't make the Mass.

Cool!! That's like going to the reception without having to put up with the wedding.

[Gingersnap]

I just ask that ten thousand dollars not be spent on my funeral.

Not me! Finally - a big affair that I don't have to coordinate, plan, work, or clean up after.

While I think a Spongebob memorial stone will be the laughingstock of cemetery tours and morbid travel websites within 10 minutes, I applaud the general concept. At least someone will get a moment of pleasure out of seeing it.

I live by a cemetery and while I don't care for the pinwheels, balloons, or laser lights (very creepy after dark), at least it's more interesting than a flat plaque or brief mention (in a soon to be lost email) that Uncle Frank's ashes were dumped in the ocean. Great. Now the entire Gulf is open to my personal grief and memories.

Even goofy monuments are pretty neat.