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Undeniable Proof That European Christmas Is Terrifying
You might remember that a few months ago the entire Internet -- me included -- simultaneously stumbled on the thrilling and mystifying world of monsterotica e-books. It turns out that cheap, short porn stories for people who really, really want to have sex with dinosaurs and D&D monsters is a thriving business, so it probably shouldn't have come as a surprise that, like every other form of media, there's a subgenre of a subgenre devoted entirely to Christmas. And it's mostly about ladies who want rough sex from the Krampus.
Really, it's on me for not expecting that. I've been on the Internet long enough that I should know better.
(Most every variety of Christmas tradition ignores the Bible's copious amounts of sex stuff. Good news: The De-Textbook doesn't.)
For those of you who aren't familiar with the Krampus, here's the short version: While our modern American Santa Claus is pretty much a solo act with a supporting cast of elves and reindeer, the European version of St. Nicholas is far more prone to having team-ups with the various demons that he dethroned and chained into his service. The most famous of these is the Krampus, a horned monster with one foot and one hoof who acts as the bad cop of Santa's operation, scaring children into being on their best behavior with the threats of being whipped with birch rods or, in extreme cases, being stuffed in a wicker basket and dragged off to hell. Though largely ignored on this side of the Atlantic over the past hundred years or so, he's been enjoying a resurgence of popularity lately -- probably because, as Santa scholar Benito Cereno put it, he's the Batman of Christmas.
And with this being the Internet, there are naturally a bunch of people who want to fuck him.
OK, that's a little unfair. What with tradition of dudes dressing up and running through the streets on the eve of St. Nicholas Day -- Krampusnacht -- getting drunk and handing out spankings to young ladies, there's a pretty solid pattern of getting mad rutty that goes along with rattling chains and swinging birch rods. This whole thing where you can spend three bucks on an e-book with a description promising "light bondage, spanking, and possible supernatural impregnation," however ... I'm pretty sure that's a new development.
You might remember that a few months ago the entire Internet -- me included -- simultaneously stumbled on the thrilling and mystifying world of monsterotica e-books. It turns out that cheap, short porn stories for people who really, really want to have sex with dinosaurs and D&D monsters is a thriving business, so it probably shouldn't have come as a surprise that, like every other form of media, there's a subgenre of a subgenre devoted entirely to Christmas. And it's mostly about ladies who want rough sex from the Krampus.
Really, it's on me for not expecting that. I've been on the Internet long enough that I should know better.
(Most every variety of Christmas tradition ignores the Bible's copious amounts of sex stuff. Good news: The De-Textbook doesn't.)
For those of you who aren't familiar with the Krampus, here's the short version: While our modern American Santa Claus is pretty much a solo act with a supporting cast of elves and reindeer, the European version of St. Nicholas is far more prone to having team-ups with the various demons that he dethroned and chained into his service. The most famous of these is the Krampus, a horned monster with one foot and one hoof who acts as the bad cop of Santa's operation, scaring children into being on their best behavior with the threats of being whipped with birch rods or, in extreme cases, being stuffed in a wicker basket and dragged off to hell. Though largely ignored on this side of the Atlantic over the past hundred years or so, he's been enjoying a resurgence of popularity lately -- probably because, as Santa scholar Benito Cereno put it, he's the Batman of Christmas.
And with this being the Internet, there are naturally a bunch of people who want to fuck him.
OK, that's a little unfair. What with tradition of dudes dressing up and running through the streets on the eve of St. Nicholas Day -- Krampusnacht -- getting drunk and handing out spankings to young ladies, there's a pretty solid pattern of getting mad rutty that goes along with rattling chains and swinging birch rods. This whole thing where you can spend three bucks on an e-book with a description promising "light bondage, spanking, and possible supernatural impregnation," however ... I'm pretty sure that's a new development.
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