And now, for today's actual, non-Onion headline....

[Adam]

Rob Ford runs groin-first into fire hydrant while celebrating Canada’s gold medal in hockey

For the second straight time, Rob Ford’s celebration of a Canadian gold medal in hockey has become an international viral sensation. While he impressed Toronto by going airborne when the women’s team made a miraculous comeback over the United States, his excitement over the men’s victory was a little less graceful and a lot more painful.

The National Post‘s Darren Calabrese caught the moment Ford ran groin-first into a fire hydrant while frolicking with revellers in Maple Leaf Square in Toronto. Ford caught Canada’s 3-0 win over Sweden in Real Sports bar and was mobbed when he joined the celebrations outside.

I'm sorry, but