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New, Improved Obamacare Program Released On 35 Floppy Disks

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  • New, Improved Obamacare Program Released On 35 Floppy Disks



    WASHINGTON—Responding to widespread criticism regarding its health care website, the federal government today unveiled its new, improved Obamacare program, which allows Americans to purchase health insurance after installing a software bundle contained on 35 floppy disks. “I have heard the complaints about the existing website, and I can assure you that with this revised system, finding the right health care option for you and your family is as easy as loading 35 floppy disks sequentially into your disk drive and following the onscreen prompts,” President Obama told reporters this morning, explaining that the nearly three dozen 3.5-inch diskettes contain all the data needed for individuals to enroll in the Health Insurance Marketplace, while noting that the updated Obamacare software is mouse-compatible and requires a 386 Pentium processor with at least 8 MB of system RAM to function properly. “Just fire up MS-DOS, enter ‘A:\>dir *.exe’ into the command line, and then follow the instructions to install the Obamacare batch files—it should only take four or five hours at the most. You can press F1 for help if you run into any problems. And be sure your monitor’s screen resolution is at 320 x 200 or it might not display properly.” Obama added that the federal government hopes to have a six–CD-ROM version of the program available by 2016.

    Link
    May we raise children who love the unloved things - the dandelion, the worm, the spiderlings.
    Children who sense the rose needs the thorn and run into rainswept days the same way they turn towards the sun...
    And when they're grown and someone has to speak for those who have no voice,
    may they draw upon that wilder bond, those days of tending tender things and be the one.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Michele View Post


    WASHINGTON—Responding to widespread criticism regarding its health care website, the federal government today unveiled its new, improved Obamacare program, which allows Americans to purchase health insurance after installing a software bundle contained on 35 floppy disks. “I have heard the complaints about the existing website, and I can assure you that with this revised system, finding the right health care option for you and your family is as easy as loading 35 floppy disks sequentially into your disk drive and following the onscreen prompts,” President Obama told reporters this morning, explaining that the nearly three dozen 3.5-inch diskettes contain all the data needed for individuals to enroll in the Health Insurance Marketplace, while noting that the updated Obamacare software is mouse-compatible and requires a 386 Pentium processor with at least 8 MB of system RAM to function properly. “Just fire up MS-DOS, enter ‘A:\>dir *.exe’ into the command line, and then follow the instructions to install the Obamacare batch files—it should only take four or five hours at the most. You can press F1 for help if you run into any problems. And be sure your monitor’s screen resolution is at 320 x 200 or it might not display properly.” Obama added that the federal government hopes to have a six–CD-ROM version of the program available by 2016.

    Link
    LOL! It's probably actually true. Somewhere in a government office, there's a Windows 95 machine bravely handling the American health care effort.
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

    Comment


    • #3
      Just fire up MS-DOS, enter ‘A:\>dir *.exe’ into the command line, and then follow the instructions to install the Obamacare batch files—it should only take four or five hours at the most.

      Bask in the warmth of the Deep South
      No one will be denied:
      Big law suits and bathroom toots;
      We're all getting Dixie-fried.
      But somewhere Hank and Lefty
      Are rollin' in their graves
      While kudzu vines grow over signs that read "Jesus Saves."

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Michele View Post


        WASHINGTON—Responding to widespread criticism regarding its health care website, the federal government today unveiled its new, improved Obamacare program, which allows Americans to purchase health insurance after installing a software bundle contained on 35 floppy disks. “I have heard the complaints about the existing website, and I can assure you that with this revised system, finding the right health care option for you and your family is as easy as loading 35 floppy disks sequentially into your disk drive and following the onscreen prompts,” President Obama told reporters this morning, explaining that the nearly three dozen 3.5-inch diskettes contain all the data needed for individuals to enroll in the Health Insurance Marketplace, while noting that the updated Obamacare software is mouse-compatible and requires a 386 Pentium processor with at least 8 MB of system RAM to function properly. “Just fire up MS-DOS, enter ‘A:\>dir *.exe’ into the command line, and then follow the instructions to install the Obamacare batch files—it should only take four or five hours at the most. You can press F1 for help if you run into any problems. And be sure your monitor’s screen resolution is at 320 x 200 or it might not display properly.” Obama added that the federal government hopes to have a six–CD-ROM version of the program available by 2016.

        Link
        LOL! Nice display requirements too.

        Comment


        • #5
          Okay...I actually thought this was real!
          Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live...
          Robert Southwell, S.J.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by phillygirl View Post
            Okay...I actually thought this was real!

            And you own an iPhone.


            Bowing to the ghost of Jobs who suckered millions into his scheme.
            Robert Francis O'Rourke, Democrat, White guy, spent ~78 million to defeat, Ted Cruz, Republican immigrant Dark guy …
            and lost …
            But the Republicans are racist.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Gramps View Post
              And you own an iPhone.
              No I don't.


              Bowing to the ghost of Jobs who suckered millions into his scheme.
              That's why I don't.
              Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live...
              Robert Southwell, S.J.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by phillygirl View Post
                No I don't.




                That's why I don't.
                Pardon me, on an NEIP, in a galaxy far, far away.....

                I distinctly remembering you talking about an iPhone...
                Robert Francis O'Rourke, Democrat, White guy, spent ~78 million to defeat, Ted Cruz, Republican immigrant Dark guy …
                and lost …
                But the Republicans are racist.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Gramps View Post
                  Pardon me, on an NEIP, in a galaxy far, far away.....

                  I distinctly remembering you talking about an iPhone...
                  Nope...it's an android.
                  Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live...
                  Robert Southwell, S.J.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by phillygirl View Post
                    Nope...it's an android.
                    Will it make coffee?
                    The iPhone 5s will, or to be exact, Siri will instruct you on how to make the best coffee...

                    The iPhone5c will give your iPhone5 a different color, a plastic case and a new 2 year contract.

                    I have a business that is selling a sticker to place on the back of your existing iPhone 5.
                    It says 'iPhonz5s'...

                    For 2.00 american you can upgrade from the iPhone5 to the iPhone5s with my sticker.
                    Nobody will know that it's an iPhone5.
                    In two weeks you won't know either.

                    Oh.. the two weeks it the time to train you to swipe up rather than down..
                    Robert Francis O'Rourke, Democrat, White guy, spent ~78 million to defeat, Ted Cruz, Republican immigrant Dark guy …
                    and lost …
                    But the Republicans are racist.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Gramps View Post
                      Will it make coffee?
                      The iPhone 5s will, or to be exact, Siri will instruct you on how to make the best coffee...

                      The iPhone5c will give your iPhone5 a different color, a plastic case and a new 2 year contract.

                      I have a business that is selling a sticker to place on the back of your existing iPhone 5.
                      It says 'iPhonz5s'...

                      For 2.00 american you can upgrade from the iPhone5 to the iPhone5s with my sticker.
                      Nobody will know that it's an iPhone5.
                      In two weeks you won't know either.

                      Oh.. the two weeks it the time to train you to swipe up rather than down..
                      Yeah, that's also why I don't have an i-phone and I don't care if I don't get a new phone every two years. I'm funny that way about phones and cars.
                      Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live...
                      Robert Southwell, S.J.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Gramps View Post
                        And you own an iPhone.


                        Bowing to the ghost of Jobs who suckered millions into his scheme.
                        HA!
                        "Faith is nothing but a firm assent of the mind : which, if it be regulated, as is our duty, cannot be afforded to anything but upon good reason, and so cannot be opposite to it."

                        -John Locke

                        Comment

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