Election results should move both parties to introspection. Journalists, too.

[80zephyr]

Since you asked, I'd rather you "just shut up", period.

There is no one on this forum who hasn't disagreed with me or I with them. So that's not the issue...try again.

Lol. Not gonna happen. I do know that the truth bothers you. I wonder why that is?

Of course people can disagree civilly. But it appears with any "hot button" issue, most here lean toward incivility towards the facts.

Mark

[80zephyr]

What did she figure out?

I don't understand the question.

Mark

[phillygirl]

Different vice, but that so easily could have been my story, and could have caused so much difficulty for my child. Good for you for getting yours out of that toxic environment. I can attest, from meeting your daughter, that you did a great job raising them. Much better, I feel certain, than you could have done with your ex on-site.

I was in a relationship (with TFB) when we decided to have a child. Since she was tenured at CUNY, I was making plans to move to NYC and take the bar there. Once I had a job there, we planned for me to get pregnant. She, however, in the immortal words of Nova, could not be faithful to a brand of cigarettes. To her credit (the only credit I'll give her), she did end our relationship once she was sure she liked the other woman more (but not before being unfaithful, with all the risks that could have exposed me to). There I was, 40 years old, and fortunately, not yet pregnant. After I got over the initial shock, I realized that I didn't need her - or any partner - to have a child. I knew I had the support of my family of origin and my friends. After giving myself a reasonable time to make sure this was what I really wanted, and not a reaction to the breakup, I became an elective single mother.

Was my "marriage" (not possible in 1993 legally) a failure? No, I was fully committed. She was a failure at being in a committed relationship and creating a family. My family is a total success. I did not have to fight over parenting or custody of HRH with a narcissist. HRH grew up surrounded by a loving and diverse family of genetic relatives and chosen ones. At various points in our lives, I've had a flash of what it would've been like to have, for instance, a colicky baby with a co-parent who believed all distraction should just stop when she was writing a scholarly paper or working on her book.

I cannot see doing what's best for your children as a failure of any kind. None of us can foresee the future. As Jackson Browne wrote, "When you see through love's illusions, there lies the danger/And your perfect lover just looks like a perfect fool...." People change; some grow and others devolve. I later learned that TFB had a history of being able to hold it together and act like an adult for about a year before the narcissism became prominent again. Dodged a bullet there, but I surely can't judge anyone who, having the option to marry, did so before realizing that the other person would never, ever be a full partner and responsible adult.

I've always respected you a lot for choosing to become a single parent. While it's something I thought about, I just couldn't pull that trigger. At one point, when I was kind of sort of maybe thinking about adoption my law partner had a client coming in who was considering giving her unborn child up for adoption. He came over to my office before the client was due to come in and told me, somewhat excitedly, that perhaps I could look into adopting this child. I asked how far along she was. I realized by my own immediate internal reaction that I simply was not prepared to make the kind of sacrifice that would be necessary to be a single mom, and certainly not within 5 months. It was at that point that I shelved the whole idea and decided that being an aunt was not only enough, it was perfect for me. I really only wanted to be a part-time parental figure; similar to how I view romantic relationships! I'm too married to my job to devote the emotional resources to a family. Many people are like me, however they don't recognize it and go ahead and get married and start families, despite not being equipped to put the work in that is necessary. It mostly is a matter of selfishness, I guess. I am too selfish to have a family that I'm responsible for. But I think I do a decent job of "clean up in Aisle 1".

[Michele]

Lol. Not gonna happen. I do know that the truth bothers you. I wonder why that is?

Of course people can disagree civilly. But it appears with any "hot button" issue, most here lean toward incivility towards the facts.

Mark

Oh, you weren't serious, okay.

[Michele]

I don't understand the question.

Mark

You said it took you seven years to figure out if she was the right one. Did she have to figure something out too?

[Michele]

I've always respected you a lot for choosing to become a single parent. While it's something I thought about, I just couldn't pull that trigger. At one point, when I was kind of sort of maybe thinking about adoption my law partner had a client coming in who was considering giving her unborn child up for adoption. He came over to my office before the client was due to come in and told me, somewhat excitedly, that perhaps I could look into adopting this child. I asked how far along she was. I realized by my own immediate internal reaction that I simply was not prepared to make the kind of sacrifice that would be necessary to be a single mom, and certainly not within 5 months. It was at that point that I shelved the whole idea and decided that being an aunt was not only enough, it was perfect for me. I really only wanted to be a part-time parental figure; similar to how I view romantic relationships! I'm too married to my job to devote the emotional resources to a family. Many people are like me, however they don't recognize it and go ahead and get married and start families, despite not being equipped to put the work in that is necessary. It mostly is a matter of selfishness, I guess. I am too selfish to have a family that I'm responsible for. But I think I do a decent job of "clean up in Aisle 1".

You're an amazing Aunt. I wish you were mine...I need an Auntie Mame sometimes. 😁

[Adam]

You're an amazing Aunt. I wish you were mine...I need an Auntie Mame sometimes. 😁

"Oh! I didn't know your aunt was literate."



One of my favorite lines from that movie.

[80zephyr]

You said it took you seven years to figure out if she was the right one. Did she have to figure something out too?

She was in favor of a long courtship. But she was ready to marry when I asked her.

Mark

[Michele]

She was in favor of a long courtship. But she was ready to marry when I asked her.

Mark

Interesting

[Gramps]

The current rumor is that Lurch will be sworn in in Jan in the Senate. After a short time he will 'retire' because of health, the Penn Gov will appoint his wife who will be celebrated as the first out bi-sexual female senator.

[Adam]

The current rumor is that Lurch will be sworn in in Jan in the Senate. After a short time he will 'retire' because of health, the Penn Gov will appoint his wife who will be celebrated as the first out bi-sexual female senator.

He's not Lurch, he's Fester.

[80zephyr]

Interesting

After my daughter married, she was trying to get pregnant and was having a hard time. She asked my wife if she had the same problem trying to get pregnant. My wife told her she never went on birth control. She was stunned.

Mark

[Michele]

After my daughter married, she was trying to get pregnant and was having a hard time. She asked my wife if she had the same problem trying to get pregnant. My wife told her she never went on birth control. She was stunned.

Mark

Huh.

[80zephyr]

Huh.

??

[Michele]

??

What?