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Why I Filmed My Abortion

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  • Why I Filmed My Abortion

    Why I Filmed My Abortion





    Becoming an abortion counselor was kind of unexpected. I was a professional actress for many years. I loved acting, but I felt fairly depressed most of the time. I disliked my body. I felt competitive toward women. I felt completely alienated from myself and everyone else because I was intent on being successful.

    I had a friend who was a birth doula, and she fascinated me with her stories about giving birth and growing life. It led me to start looking at my body in a whole different way. I became what’s called a “birth junkie.” I trained as a doula and watched every documentary I could get my hands on. During my training, I learned there are three kinds of doulas: birth doulas, adoption doulas, and abortion doulas. A light went off in my head.

    I had never been political about abortion rights before, but the idea of helping women through an abortion and supporting them and reassuring them that they are still wonderful and beautiful resonated deeply with me. I had spent so long in the trappings of competition with other women and putting too much pressure on myself that I just wanted to help women. I reached out to Cherry Hill right after I finished my training. I asked to volunteer, but instead they asked me to come in for a job interview. I was hired on the spot to be one of the clinic’s abortion counselors. I fell into this perfect world that fulfills me in so many different ways.

    I found out I was pregnant in November. I had been working at the clinic for about a year. It was my first pregnancy, and, full disclosure, I hadn't been using any kind of birth control, which is crazy, I know. I’m a sex educator, and I love talking about birth control. Before this experience, hormonal birth control scared me because of complications I’d heard about from friends — gaining weight, depression, etc. So I tracked my ovulation cycle, and I didn’t have any long-term partners. I thought I was OK. But, you know, things happen. I wound up pregnant.
    “Thus it is that no cruelty whatsoever passes by without impact. Thus it is that we always pay dearly for chasing after what is cheap.”

    ~ Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago 1918–1956

  • #2
    Sometimes, you are confronted with something so disturbing, you simply cannot wrap your brain around it. I can wrap my brain around violence, atrocity, and the general disregard for the worth of other human beings as unique and divine. I can wrap my brain around the callous narcissism of wealth or the base ugliness of self gratification through exploitation of others.

    I cannot wrap my brain around this one. It is a level of banal, smiling evil that is wholly cultural. And it is my culture.
    “Thus it is that no cruelty whatsoever passes by without impact. Thus it is that we always pay dearly for chasing after what is cheap.”

    ~ Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago 1918–1956

    Comment


    • #3
      If only Dr. Mengele were around for YouTube.
      Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live...
      Robert Southwell, S.J.

      Comment


      • #4
        I couldn't even get through it.

        I did learn a new word today: doula. "[A] nonmedical person who assists a woman before, during, or after childbirth...." Back in my day we called those "midwives," though I'm guessing that's probably even more politically incorrect than "candy-striper" nowadays.


        Once I learned the new word, seeing her use the term "abortion doula" just made me wince.
        It's been ten years since that lonely day I left you
        In the morning rain, smoking gun in hand
        Ten lonely years but how my heart, it still remembers
        Pray for me, momma, I'm a gypsy now

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by phillygirl View Post
          If only Dr. Mengele were around for YouTube.
          I think it is different from that. This is something very different. It isn't sadistic or malevolent.
          “Thus it is that no cruelty whatsoever passes by without impact. Thus it is that we always pay dearly for chasing after what is cheap.”

          ~ Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago 1918–1956

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Billy Jingo View Post
            I think it is different from that. This is something very different. It isn't sadistic or malevolent.
            From Dr. Mengele's perspective, it wasn't either. His experiments were focused on learning more about human biology, and was geared towards ultimately improving medical treatment, etc. Like this girl, and others, he simply felt that his subjects were not human enough to worry about the affects of his experimentation on them. It was a callous disregard for the subject matter.
            Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live...
            Robert Southwell, S.J.

            Comment


            • #7
              After all these years of generally avoiding this issue and occasionally taking one side or the other in some measured way, it just occurred to me that I really wish this weren't an issue.
              The year's at the spring
              And day's at the morn;
              Morning's at seven;
              The hill-side's dew-pearled;
              The lark's on the wing;
              The snail's on the thorn:
              God's in his heaven—
              All's right with the world!

              Comment


              • #8
                Gads.

                At first I was a bit encouraged by the comments. Somewhat re-affirming that the majority (and I say that only by loosely eyeballing) had responses like this:


                Well alrighty, I was wondering what rock bottom as a civilization looked like.

                Now I know.



                This is honestly the most sickening thing I have ever read..



                And this is our society now...? I understand (although don't agree) with some circumstances that end in abortion. HOWEVER, this is disgusting. Using abortion as form of birth control...is unreal.



                I see nothing positive about killing a baby.



                The way she is glamourizing her abortion is disturbing....




                Maybe there's some hope after all. Then I got to this:

                Mary Elizabeth Pierre · Follow
                So she was a sex counselor, didn't wear a condom and then had an abortion. Now she keeps the picture up on her wall of her sonogram. It's like birth? Bullshit. Sick and twisted. I'm pro choice but the whole picture thing to me is beyond fucking creepy. You didn't want the baby but you want a picture to remember the time you discontinued it's existence? Ugh.
                Emily Letts · Follow · Top Commenter
                I love my sonogram. To me it represents my choice. It represents the love I may have towards my future children, if I ever so decide to have children, when i am ready of course. Not all women feel the same way I do. However, that is how I feel. Some women take their ultrasounds and bury them as a way to find closure. Some women take their ultrasounds and bring them to their temple, or burn them and scatter the ashes to the wind. It can be a grieving process after an abortion. This was not my experience so I didn't speak about it. How a women feels about her reproductive choices is unique to that woman. This is how I feel about my journey. I sincerely hope that if you go through a similar situation you will have people around you to support you no matter what your own process is. Hopefully in a time of need people will not call you, "sick and twisted" and you will not feel alone.
                Peace.


                Yeesh.
                It's been ten years since that lonely day I left you
                In the morning rain, smoking gun in hand
                Ten lonely years but how my heart, it still remembers
                Pray for me, momma, I'm a gypsy now

                Comment


                • #9
                  It's an apt demonstration of doublethink.

                  She loves women, she hangs around with women who are professionally concerned with helping women give birth, and she's a sex educator who doesn't use chemical or mechanical birth control.

                  She has bought into a doublethink concept where the term 'doula' also means 'killer'. She wants to help women feel less morally horrified at killing their children. Someday, she'll give birth to a perfect, convenient child which will be cause for celebration. Today, she's celebrating her ability to kill her inconvenient child. The same concept covers both ideas: nurturing and killing.
                  "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Gingersnap View Post
                    It's an apt demonstration of doublethink.

                    She loves women, she hangs around with women who are professionally concerned with helping women give birth, and she's a sex educator who doesn't use chemical or mechanical birth control.

                    She has bought into a doublethink concept where the term 'doula' also means 'killer'. She wants to help women feel less morally horrified at killing their children. Someday, she'll give birth to a perfect, convenient child which will be cause for celebration. Today, she's celebrating her ability to kill her inconvenient child. The same concept covers both ideas: nurturing and killing.
                    I have considered that her occupation has driven her crazy.
                    “Thus it is that no cruelty whatsoever passes by without impact. Thus it is that we always pay dearly for chasing after what is cheap.”

                    ~ Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago 1918–1956

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Adam View Post
                      I couldn't even get through it.

                      I did learn a new word today: doula. "[A] nonmedical person who assists a woman before, during, or after childbirth...." Back in my day we called those "midwives," though I'm guessing that's probably even more politically incorrect than "candy-striper" nowadays.


                      Once I learned the new word, seeing her use the term "abortion doula" just made me wince.
                      You should have kept reading to the word origin Greek doule , female slave
                      The year's at the spring
                      And day's at the morn;
                      Morning's at seven;
                      The hill-side's dew-pearled;
                      The lark's on the wing;
                      The snail's on the thorn:
                      God's in his heaven—
                      All's right with the world!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Amen sister! I was thinking the same thing. Who still has random unprotected sex still? I know I'm old at 40 but even if AIDS is not as big of a killer, it still kills, what about herpes and other things that may not kill, but never go away? So glad to see another person bring this up... I also think she planned this whole thing, failed acting career, read need for attention which she is getting, worked at a clinic telling others about birth control, yet not using anything at all, checking to see if she's preggo after a week or 2? Doesn't add up unless she wanted all this to happen... Look at all the research she did, she saw her shot at 15 minutes. I don't like abortion, but safe, legal and as a last resort is something I can live with.
                        I had the same thought.
                        Robert Francis O'Rourke, Democrat, White guy, spent ~78 million to defeat, Ted Cruz, Republican immigrant Dark guy …
                        and lost …
                        But the Republicans are racist.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Looks like there's a new Abortion Barbie.
                          "Faith is nothing but a firm assent of the mind : which, if it be regulated, as is our duty, cannot be afforded to anything but upon good reason, and so cannot be opposite to it."
                          -John Locke

                          "It's all been melded together into one giant, authoritarian, leftist scream."
                          -Newman

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by scott View Post
                            Looks like there's a new Abortion Barbie.
                            It's also the ironic 2014 version of Baby Alive.
                            Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live...
                            Robert Southwell, S.J.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Adam View Post
                              Gads.

                              At first I was a bit encouraged by the comments. Somewhat re-affirming that the majority (and I say that only by loosely eyeballing) had responses like this:


                              Well alrighty, I was wondering what rock bottom as a civilization looked like.

                              Now I know.



                              This is honestly the most sickening thing I have ever read..



                              And this is our society now...? I understand (although don't agree) with some circumstances that end in abortion. HOWEVER, this is disgusting. Using abortion as form of birth control...is unreal.



                              I see nothing positive about killing a baby.



                              The way she is glamourizing her abortion is disturbing....




                              Maybe there's some hope after all. Then I got to this:

                              [indent]Mary Elizabeth Pierre · Follow
                              So she was a sex counselor, didn't wear a condom and then had an abortion. Now she keeps the picture up on her wall of her sonogram. It's like birth? Bullshit. Sick and twisted. I'm pro choice but the whole picture thing to me is beyond fucking creepy. You didn't want the baby but you want a picture to remember the time you discontinued it's existence? Ugh.

                              Emily Letts · Follow · Top Commenter
                              I love my sonogram. To me it represents my choice. It represents the love I may have towards my future children, if I ever so decide to have children, when i am ready of course. Not all women feel the same way I do. However, that is how I feel.
                              Some women take their ultrasounds and bury them as a way to find closure. Some women take their ultrasounds and bring them to their temple, or burn them and scatter the ashes to the wind. It can be a grieving process after an abortion. This was not my experience so I didn't speak about it. How a women feels about her reproductive choices is unique to that woman. This is how I feel about my journey. I sincerely hope that if you go through a similar situation you will have people around you to support you no matter what your own process is. Hopefully in a time of need people will not call you, "sick and twisted" and you will not feel alone.
                              Peace.


                              Yeesh.
                              This is bizarre.
                              Last edited by Michele; Friday, May 9, 2014, 8:29 PM.
                              May we raise children who love the unloved things - the dandelion, the worm, the spiderlings.
                              Children who sense the rose needs the thorn and run into rainswept days the same way they turn towards the sun...
                              And when they're grown and someone has to speak for those who have no voice,
                              may they draw upon that wilder bond, those days of tending tender things and be the one.

                              Comment

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